im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
