They should really pass out barf bags in church
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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