There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
