the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
