O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
