i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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