the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Come back. Shots need mouths.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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