If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
