i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize