i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
