Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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