I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
