best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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