i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
