omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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