There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
