You can't special order awesome
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize