I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
