I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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