i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
