This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
