We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did you just see the Batmobile???
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't put those talents on a resume
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
