So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
