He kissed a someone with a penis
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
