Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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