the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
