I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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