I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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