You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
