Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
