I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
