Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
