8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
