i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
