Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
vagina is talking i cant
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
