Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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