Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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