I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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