That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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