Screwed.edu
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
