Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
