Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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