She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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