Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
