i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
