The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
