I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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