meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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