Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
