you traded sex for a burrito?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
