Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
