Non-Jews are for practice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How does it feel to date your dad?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
