At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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