Will you blow on my dice?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
