Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
