to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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