So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
