Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
