this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
