Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
