Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
