I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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