the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's official drugs can't kill me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
