Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
