apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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