trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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