No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
