well you can't waste a boner
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize