I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she peed on how many people?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
