"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize