i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
