How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize