god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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