Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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