before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
