I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
