I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize